The bottom line is: your friend’s partner should be your friend as well, or a pleasant acquaintance at least, or anything that doesn’t involve your blood pressure rising. You should respect your friends choices inspite of your personal reservation about the creature…I mean person they choose to be with.

I can only think of one thing why this friendship protocol should be overridden:

The BF/GF is evil.

I admit that’s a bit of an exaggeration but what other possible and acceptable reasons exist? It could be skeletons in the closet or a cheating disorder left unchecked; a passive aggressive demeanor or a vampiric shopping frenzy; he/she used to be a she/he…etc. You’re just looking out for your friend!

Which begs the question: What do you do about it?

If you address it, you will look like a bad friend, on the other hand if you don’t, you’re left with only your feelings of distaste and a boiling cauldron of rage everytime you see the BF/GF (that boiling cauldron sure looks good dropping 50 ft from the air). Unless the BF/GF is moonlighting as an axe-wielding psychopath, you really can’t call the authorities on them, much less Dr. Phil or Adam Carolla.

But are you being a good friend putting aside your feelings even if you know that your amigo is making a huge mistake being with this…human being?

The Care Bear answer is: we should try to be a supportive pal. The Real World answer is: It’s not your business.

Yeah it’s not your business and the whole support/after sale service/words of affirmation is unnecessary. It’s his/her decision to make, not yours. If it’s heaven sent, it’s heaven sent (*coughs NOT!). If it’s a mistake, it’s a mistake (you do get to privately relish the day they split up).

In the end he/she is your friend and this person is keeping them happy, so you should…try to look happy as well. I mean if imagining a freak flock of pidgeons ravaging a “certain” city, pooping on “certain” people or person doesn’t cheer you up I don’t know what will.

Being a good friend doesn’t always require you to correct your friends when you feel they’re making an error of judgement. You have to let the cookie crumble by itself. If it doesn’t, just know that a cookie’s shelf life isn’t impressive (especially badly made ones).

Cheers,

rj

I’ve gotten a lot responses on FB about my previous post. I think my total lack of a relationship is interesting for some folk. Yeah, I admit, it’s a bit odd for a guy my age to have not been in a relationship. How long has it been??? Well after Bianca (sort of GF I guess) I have made attempts, you know, jumped a cliff, fell face first on solid concrete and lived to re-live all those bitter moments. It’s not really fun being at the end of a turn-down. Maybe I’m just too sheltered.

But the truth of the matter is that I’ve become exhausted of pulling away from a person’s gravity. It’s hard; one minute they’re the center of your universe and then it blows up then you’re clinging for dear life trying to get away from that major suck void.

Some guys live for the thrill of the chase and grow stronger every time they get shot down. But not me. I say life’s too short to settle for the next best thing. I wanted the best, but the best wanted someone better…or taller…leaner…lego-faced…or less of a friend. No, it’s not that my heart has grown callous or I’m traumatised, I’m perfectly sane, depends on your definition of it. I’ve just come to realize that I’ll find her when I’m meant to find her. At the moment, I’ve got more pressing matters to attend to than worrying about what to do on our first week anniversary (eew).

Maybe I just look at relationships on a different perspective. Filipinos have an iron-clad tradition of courtship, which I’m not very fond of. Here’s what I would like:

1. Casual Date – nothing too serious, just something fun.

2. Casual Talk – not too intrusive but engaging.

3. Casual Feelings – not too deep but meaningful.

Yeah, I sound just like Goldilocks, lazy and has zero commitment. What I really like is a pleasurable company, someone to enjoy the time with. And if God would want it, an intimate relationship eventually. I don’t like to pursue a relationship as if it’s a job or a physical necessity. I want to pursue a relationship becase I feel like I’m ready to share my life, bit by bit to someone, not because my time is running out. Everyone’s time is running out and in the end IT WILL run out, but it doesn’t mean we have to blaze through every experience as if it’s probably the last.

Love for me is like a lazy afternoon at a coffee shop; simple, laid back and feels like home. It doesn’t have to get serious very soon, I’d like to take my time. Besides, I’d rather enjoy a roadtrip going at an easy 80 on the highway appreciating every bit of it, than 220, clutching my innards, hoping I don’t collide onto something.

Surely you laugh at my naiveity. However I’ve been turned-down quite a number of times, I owe myself some love and not just throw myself at the next available girl I see.

Cheers,

rj

…you know that’s really good, I should give Hallmark a call.

I’m just kidding folks…well half kidding. I really puke (my inner child of course) over amorous declarations. Not that I haven’t done that in the past, because I did and look where it got me. Let’s just say maybe it works for a blessed few.

In the same manner how Christmas makes you think about family or the lack of one, Valentines makes me think about love and the obvious emptiness (gosh I’m being so dramatic aren’t I?)

I wish romance was my priority, much like how I strongly feel about making a career out of music, about learning Spanish, about travelling to Spain, about experiencing culture. I mean it must feel good, that’s why almost everyone is going after it. I can’t put together how people try to live out their dreams and still have time to find love. For me it sounds like too much work; I can only be passionate about 2 or 3 things, romance is like a huge deal.

I don’t dream about romance as much as I dream about making music. It makes me dizzy even thinking about how I will work my routine (workout, piano, singing, writing) around a girlfriend. I am in no way saying that a girlfriend takes up a huge chunk of space in someone’s life……well okay I am.

Honestly I don’t see myself wanting to share my life with someone soon or yet. Maybe when I’ve already done the things I wanted. Maybe I’m just scared.

I think I can attribute this fear to the rejection from girls I’ve had throughout the course of my life. Here’s a few.

1. I like someone else.

2. I just don’t look at you that way.

3. You already know who I like.

4. You’re kidding right?

5. I chose him.

6. I love you as a friend.

7. I love you as a brother.

8. Didn’t we already have this conversation?

9. I need some space.

I’m going to psycho-analyze myself: I think this indifference I have towards romance is real due to my failure in courtship.

I just got tired of putting an effort at all and I immediately assume it’s all in vain anyway, girls will not like me enough to want to be with me. Oh God I’m so pathetic!

A guy can only do so much. A lot of people say that I’m still young and I will find her. But I say either give me a freaking GPS or forget it. There are those who say that the challenge will make it more worthwile…I’m sorry that’s what you say to talk someone into running a marathon, I’m asthmatic, I’ll just take a nap.

Everyone has some glorious story about love and how it conquers even the most difficult of odds. But at this moment I don’t think romance is any easier than finding your way towards a career. At least in seeking a career you can always practice more, learn a new repertoire, but with romance, you just put your heart on the chopping block and hope for the best. Sorry, been there, I don’t think my heart can take another blow.

For me romance and career is a fork in the road. I can’t have both at the same time. I’ve always had success with music and although I’m not at my preferred career, it does augment my needs and helps immensely when I want to shop. But with romance, so far all it left me was an ailing heart and a bruised spirit. So don’t generalize my experience as something that can be easily overcome by sheer courage and determination. Maybe that’s your passion or talent even, or maybe your desperation has sent a signal to the universe to send down the angel you’ve been searching for. I’m not desperate, lonely, but not deseperate.

Despite what the movies show about romance, it didn’t get me anywhere nice. Romance has gotten me lost and way off track. It’s uncertain, and these days and under these circumstances, considering all that I’ve been through and all that I’ve given up for love, I need certainty. Yes you say I won’t ever find that, well then, maybe I was never meant for romance.

We all take risks in love, I’m just too much of baby I guess to get back in the game. It sure would be nice to celebrate Valentines in its true nature, but if it costs me more than I can afford, I’ll sit this one out just like the previous ones.

Love is a great thing, romance is everybody’s dream. But not everyone can have it all, maybe a fortunate blessed few. I think I’m better of thinking about the present and all that I’ve been given (music etc.) than  longing for something that never worked out for me in the first place. I admit I’m lonely, only because I have yet to experience romance and sometimes it makes me doubt on who I really am and what I meant for. I’m just being myself.

I’don’t mean to be a downer…I do wish everyone a Happy Valentines Day.
Enjoy the day peeps.

Cheers,

rj

Nah, I guess I’m being very sentimental lately because there’s not much development in my life or in my career or music that can divert my attention from my seemingly endless floating existence. See even my writing sounds miserable.

Perhaps I can spice things up a bit myself, you know, and not wait for some stuff to change, I can bring a date over to that Couples Fellowship on the 25th and shell out an extra 70 Bucks. I know, frugality kills romance.

But who should I bring? There are prospects, but I don’t want to get into something I can’t exactly commit to. It wouldn’t be fair to the girl would it, that I brought her there as an accessory? And I think it would be a little inappropriate that I bring a “date” who’s not my girlfriend to a function that celebrates love in all its radiant and at times awkward glory. I mean, it’s a Couples Fellowship, the title clearly denotes the specifications and the conditions of the said “date”. Moreover I have what, 2 weeks to get a girlfriend? I had 26 years, give or take a few, to get one, what makes you think I have the capacity to do that in less time?

You know what, forget it, I’m being super lazy. My friend Aileen tells me I should never get a girlfriend because I will not have time for her. She’s a little right. I have so much stuff going on, although right now it’s a bit idle, but when things start stirring up again (like the Don Moen gig, Trinity Exams/Concert, Music covers etc.) I’m going to be distracted for a while.

See I have a choice peeps, as my wonderful friend Aileen put it: Music or Love life. Both demand a degree of focus, time, effort etc. So if I wanted a date, an appropriate date to the Couples Fellowship on the 25th, I’m going to have to suck it up. But if I want my music to take flight, at any level of course, I’m going to have to devote most of my free time to it. Well I have a full time job and if you consider the travel time as work, that’s around 12 hours, and I have about 6 hours or less to practice my piano, vocalize etc etc. It leaves no room for TV I tell ya, that’s why I watch while I workout.

I don’t know what to love more, LOVE or MUSIC. Love is exciting with its dizzying pace and errupting volatile emotions, sometimes unmanageable. However music and me, a little Michael Jackson bit here folks, just go together seamlessly. I don’t have to try so hard, the relationship is natural.

I’m straying from the topic. SO, Valentines, what am I going to do? I can show up at the event unescorted, by my lonesome, like I’ve always had, or I can grab a random girl on the street and be just like everyone else: celebrating the joy of love and the warmth of a kindred soul……….Hallmark Moment barf.

Anyway, even if I do show up alone. I still get to raid the buffet table, which is always a good alternative…a caloric suicide yes but hey just because my heart is starving for romance doesn’t mean my tummy has to go hungry.

Cheers,

rj

1. Arrived at the place, some of the kids are already there, but we were locked out so we “camped” along the corridor waiting for the peeps who had the key to the door.

2. I was tasked to teach the Juniors which included 10-14 I guess so there wasn’t much. I mean thank God, there wasn’t much pre-pubescence at church otherwise it would’ve been hard to contain.

3. Speaking of “hard to contain” took me a few minutes to get them silent because you know how kids are these days, they get excited with every little thing, doors opening, something breaking or someone says a funny word. I mean they just can’t get over random things easily. It’s like a trigger in their system. That’s why kids get bored easily.

4. I brought my laptop with me which made them all excited (it was a MAC and it’s in the most vibrant shade of green). I didn’t have time to make cut-outs for pics so I just googled some Moses-themed stuff. I wanted to use Michaelangelo’s portrayal of God, you know the one where he’s reaching out to Adam with his finger and being surrounded by these naked cherubs. I had second thoughts about that for one thing I didn’t want to kids to have to see the naked cherubs and have to answer their inquisition on their general lack of diapers or decency if by chance one of them knows what that word means, secondly they may not interpret what I did as art but as fact so that’s a little dangerous, for them and for me. Thirdly, the naked cherubs will just get them laughing if not grossed out. Lastly, God was in a pink robe. Can you imagine how hard it would’ve been for me to explain that especially how some young boys find pink repulsive? So I put up a picture of the horizon instead with the sun breaking through the clouds and simply explained to them I didn’t have a picture of God.

 5. I got by the lesson quite swiftly and smoothly. There were a few arguments and fights but nothing unmanageable.

6. We had games right after meaning it was a different level of mess and stress, being in closed quarters and almost two dozen hyperactive kids. There was one kid, who didn’t like to play so she just roamed around and moped. A fight broke out between two Juniors which ended up in tears. Ahhh childhood, you’ve never experienced it fully without having to fight and cry at the same time. LOL!

7. I have never eaten so much spaghetti in my entire life. Well yes I did, when I was a little rounder. The way the cheese subdued the sourness is just mind-blowing. Spaghetti is evil.

8. There was mind-blowing freak sandstorm which got the tots even more excited. Then when it finally died down I heard a kid say, “Aww the sandstorm is off.” like there was a switch to turn it on in the first place. HEHEHEHEHE.

9. I was asked to help with the music for these two lovely girls’ song for Saturday’s party so I cancelled my scheduled Sloth-mode and did something productive, which was met with a really nice sweater the following day. They didn’t have to but hey it’s a sweater and I’m a sucker for new clothes or stuff.
 Plus it was in gray which means it’ll go with anything.

It was a fun Friday. I always have fun when the kids are around, that’s why I threw a Wii/PS3 party for my birthday remember.

Cheers,

rj

But thank God for improvisation. Fortunately the piece was in C Major, the only key I can improvise Jazz on. I was doing well during the first half or so of the music then I started losing it. It’s a good thing I pressed like a diminished crapped up chord that sounded like jazz then instantly PLAN B was in play. PLAN B being:  ACTIVATE F-G7-CM7 CADENCE AND FINISH THE FREAKING MUSIC. Perhaps I shouldn’t have anticipated screwing up, but even during rehearsals I was having trouble finishing the music. My teacher has always told me to just go on. So I did…I improvised as best I could even though the music turned out a few bars shorter. My mom knew something was up, that I must’ve done something because she knew how long the music was since she’s been hearing it since last week as I was playing it over and over and over and over in hopes of not having to blackout. I lied and told her that it was really that short. She wasn’t convinced.

Right after the concert I went over to my teacher who was just laughing with me and quite impressed that I pulled it off without it being noticeable. Of course he knew I did something, I told him last Wednesday that if I start screwing up I’m going to improvise and land that thing as best I could. Even his daughter was like, “How’d you do that?” The matriarch of their family was there so of course I was terribly embarrassed.

This isn’t exactly how I pictured the concert. In my mind and my ambitious heart I was hoping that a talent scout would be there, spot me, and offer probably a scholarship or whatever, something really nice. However, it did not turn out like that, a little disappointing, but hey, there’s a time for everything. I even realized that I’m not ready for that kind of expectation yet, I mean career-wise or academic-wise, I have much to learn. Like my teacher said, I may be playing Chopin, Liszt and other advance repertoire, but my skills are not honed yet; I’m a terrible sight reader, my finger dexterity isn’t exactly virtuosic and I still count 6/8 wrong. So yeah, maybe God is reserving all the things I long for until I have the skills to meet the demanding expectations.

There would be other concerts, hopefully I ace Grade 7 and Grade 8 so I can come back and perform. Maybe then something more will turn up. Mental Note: Practice improvising in other keys because I will never know when my fingers will want to go off to the mall or something in the middle of a performance.

Cheers,

 rj

Maybe I’m looking at this at my own cultural perspective, but humanly speaking, I don’t think women should be subjugated like so. I believe they own every right to live their lives according to their own standards. I’m just glad to have been raised within a culture that has evolved from archaic views on women to where both genders have the right to experience life to its fullest without unreasonable restriction. I have two sisters, even I wouldn’t want their boyfriends or their future husbands to treat them less than how my father and I have treated them.

Back to Valentines and how Western Culture is corrupted…okay well then throw the first stone if you’re so noble!

I have every bit of respect for varying cultures and traditions and I wouldn’t want to be the person in a foreign country to break a single one in consideration of the country’s nationals’ feelings. However I don’t think nitpicking a single culture just because it’s prevalent and growing is the most effective way of curbing humanity’s flaws. And by the way, Mr. Commenter, you’re in big trouble when your government finds out you’re using Yahoo! News because God knows, Yahoo! was created by Americans in America, which is like a big Western Country, which is a big practitioner of Western Culture. Maybe you should stick to the old fashioned cave drawings for unspoiled, uncontaminated World News fix to make sure your pure, unbiased, almost misogynistic life remains intact. No chocolates for you sir. Your prehistoric system might reject the infusion of candy and no heartshaped cards either, because hearts are red and red is the color of hades, and I’m sure you don’t want to go there.

Some people can be really annoying. GOSH!

Cheers,

rj

I don’t know about you but I’m just plain lazy, I’d say flee, not because I’m scared to lose, but there’s a lot a stake. And I’ve been broken more than once before to not realize how this type of circumstance is SO filled with after drama in the end. A little drama is okay but if you have it in the middle of the night, poking at you and whispering words in your ears every second of the day, it’s a nauseating. See the following:

 1. I WIN (HA! Yeah right): I get the girl/boy, live happily ever ever, then I feel a pang of guilt because I know deep inside I’ve just destroyed my friend’s hopes and dreams. Can I live with that forever? And really, what are my chances of winning? (self-pity moment, sorry)

 2. I LOSE: I find myself listening to more heartbreak music than I know what to do with. Worse case scenario this breaks down the friendship and knowing myself, I’d bust out AEGIS repertoire on the Karaoke every night for the rest of my life.

Yeah singing your sadness away is great, however it’s not great when you have this huge chunky elephant in your chest and inside a room with the rest of the trio. So do I make like a gladiator and fight and trample people over for love or just leave even before the heat of battle sends scorching scars on my already screwed up heart?

Perhaps I should consider whether or not this is a profitable investment. Looking at love in a more quantifiable, if not tangible, format is easier. What would I gain if win, and what would I lose if…I…lose? Should I even bother at all?

Maybe some people thrive on intense romantic drama, but I had a crapful of that back in my teenage years. I’ve had turndowns, runarounds, blownoffs and even the irritatingly popular, “I love as a brother” crap. At this point, I don’t intend on spending anymore precious time on a relationship that has no concrete evidence of success. You may think that’s lame, but you haven’t tried being me at the end of every letdown. It’s not very cozy, it’s cold and unreassuring. And don’t pitch me these crappy lines either:

1. “There are other fish in the sea.” Yeah I bet, I’d have much more luck dating a fish.

2. “That’s how you learn.” That’s what my dad said when I fell off my bike.

3. “You’re just not meant for each other.” Hey thanks for making that bitter reality so easy to swallow.

4. “Love is a risk.” And hell is a hot place what’s your point?

5. “When you love someone you have to let them go. If they come back to your they’re yours.” Like the balloon I had in 1st grade, I waited all afternoon, all the good that did me.

On romantic relationships, I’m as schooled as the next celibate monk. I just never had the right opportunities and the right timing and the right circumstances yadda yadda yadda. I was just plain lazy. So sometimes when I’m asked about some serious questions about it, most of my input is largely based on what makes a person happy, motivations, weaknesses etc, BASIC LIFE. But because we all know LOVE, however overrated it is, + LIFE is just another set of schematics. One minute figuring LIFE out is very simple then you add LOVE to the equation suddenly it now involves a couple more formulas and other mathematical theorems. It becomes one big pile of blah.

Maybe the HEART does rule over the MIND when it comes to love. If you think about it, it’s much easier to mull things over and figure out what to do with LOVE than ignore that metaphoric yet sometimes physical tug deep in your chest.

Ahh life…life sucks when you don’t smile about it.

So I guess my answer is FLEE. I think I’ve been playing way too much Pokemon.

Cheers,

rj

Cheers,

rj

Adios mi amigo y hermano. Por fin, tu estas en casa.

Cheers,

rj