What can you do if you don’t like the person your friend is dating?
I’ve seen it many times…okay just in movies: Friend hates the boyfriend/girlfriend of his friend. How do you cope with this unbridled urge to set the focal point of your wrath (who’s dating your buddy) in flames ? Perhaps it all depends on the reasons behind the loathing. On the other hand, with friendship as a factor to consider, should these reasons matter?
The bottom line is: your friend’s partner should be your friend as well, or a pleasant acquaintance at least, or anything that doesn’t involve your blood pressure rising. You should respect your friends choices inspite of your personal reservation about the creature…I mean person they choose to be with.
I can only think of one thing why this friendship protocol should be overridden:
The BF/GF is evil.
I admit that’s a bit of an exaggeration but what other possible and acceptable reasons exist? It could be skeletons in the closet or a cheating disorder left unchecked; a passive aggressive demeanor or a vampiric shopping frenzy; he/she used to be a she/he…etc. You’re just looking out for your friend!
Which begs the question: What do you do about it?
If you address it, you will look like a bad friend, on the other hand if you don’t, you’re left with only your feelings of distaste and a boiling cauldron of rage everytime you see the BF/GF (that boiling cauldron sure looks good dropping 50 ft from the air). Unless the BF/GF is moonlighting as an axe-wielding psychopath, you really can’t call the authorities on them, much less Dr. Phil or Adam Carolla.
But are you being a good friend putting aside your feelings even if you know that your amigo is making a huge mistake being with this…human being?
The Care Bear answer is: we should try to be a supportive pal. The Real World answer is: It’s not your business.
Yeah it’s not your business and the whole support/after sale service/words of affirmation is unnecessary. It’s his/her decision to make, not yours. If it’s heaven sent, it’s heaven sent (*coughs NOT!). If it’s a mistake, it’s a mistake (you do get to privately relish the day they split up).
In the end he/she is your friend and this person is keeping them happy, so you should…try to look happy as well. I mean if imagining a freak flock of pidgeons ravaging a “certain” city, pooping on “certain” people or person doesn’t cheer you up I don’t know what will.
Being a good friend doesn’t always require you to correct your friends when you feel they’re making an error of judgement. You have to let the cookie crumble by itself. If it doesn’t, just know that a cookie’s shelf life isn’t impressive (especially badly made ones).
Cheers,
rj
